In his book, What’s So Amazing About Grace?, Philip Yancey shares a remarkable story about a woman named Rebecca who married a pastor.
In time, it became obvious to Rebecca that her husband had a dark side. He dabbled in pornography and solicited escorts on his trips to other cities. Sometimes he asked Rebecca for forgiveness, and sometimes he did not. He eventually left her for another woman named Julianne.
Rebecca shared how painful it was for her, a pastor’s wife, to suffer this humiliation. Some church members who respected her husband treated her as if the infidelity had been her fault. Devastated, she found herself pulling away from human contact, unable to trust people. She could never put her husband out of mind, because they had children, so she had to make regular contact with him in order to arrange visitation.
Rebecca had the increasing sense that unless she forgave her former husband, a hard lump of revenge would be passed on to their children. She prayed for months. At first, her prayers seemed as vengeful as some of the Psalms—she asked God to give her ex-husband “what he deserved.” Finally, she came to the place of letting God, not herself, determine “what he deserved.”
One night, Rebecca called her ex-husband and said, in a shaky, strained voice, “I want you to know that I forgive you for what you’ve done to me. And I forgive Julianne, too.” He laughed off her apology, unwilling to admit he had done anything wrong. Despite his rebuff, that conversation helped Rebecca get past her bitter feelings.
A few years later, Rebecca got a frenzied phone call from Julianne. She had been attending a ministerial conference with her husband in Minneapolis, and he had left the hotel room to go for a walk. A few hours passed, then Julianne heard from the police—he had been arrested for soliciting sex.
On the phone with Rebecca, Julianne was sobbing. “I never believed you,” she said. “I kept telling myself that even if what you said was true, he had changed. And now this. I feel so ashamed, and hurt, and guilty. I have no one on earth who can understand. Then I remembered the night you said you forgave us. I thought maybe you could understand what I’m going through. It’s a terrible thing to ask, I know, but could I come talk to you?”
Somehow, Rebecca found the courage to invite Julianne over. They sat in her living room, cried together, shared stories of betrayal, and prayed together. Julianne now points to that night as the time when she became a Christian.
Takeaway: Jesus talked about this when he said to remove the plank from your own eye before helping your neighbor. The truth is, becoming the kind of person who can help others often requires learning how to forgive.
Source: What’s So Amazing About Grace? by Philip Yancey
