C. S. Lewis spent most of his life convinced that romantic love wasn’t for him.
He was a confirmed bachelor. A man more comfortable with books than intimacy. Lewis once wrote that he believed marriage would likely distract him from his calling.
Then he met Joy Davidman.
Joy was brash, outspoken, intellectually fierce, and deeply alive. She challenged Lewis, debated him, and refused to be impressed by his reputation. What began as correspondence turned into friendship, and friendship slowly—almost reluctantly—turned into love.
They married late in life. Lewis was 58. Joy was 45. But their marriage was brief.
Shortly after they wed, Joy was diagnosed with advanced cancer. Doctors gave her little hope. Lewis, who had written brilliantly about suffering from a distance, was suddenly living inside it.
And then something unexpected happened. Joy went into remission.
For a short season, they experienced what Lewis later described as “a resurrection.” They traveled. They laughed. They fell deeply, fully in love, and shared a life. Lewis wrote that he had finally learned what it meant to be known.
When Joy’s cancer returned, and she eventually died, Lewis was devastated. In his book, A Grief Observed, he wrote, “The pain now is part of the happiness then. That’s the deal.”
When trying to describe marriage, Lewis said, “Love is not an affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.”
Takeaway: It usually takes years and suffering to realize the true blessing of marriage.
Source: The quote about marriage is from his book, The Four Loves.
